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Secret Hate: Handling Haters and Jealousy

For a long time, I couldn't quite grasp why so many people seemed to hate me or why I had accumulated so many enemies along the way. Sure, there were plenty of things I did that I’m not proud of—shitty things, if I’m being honest—but there was always a pattern in the way my friendships ended. It wasn’t the relationships with men; those were different beasts altogether. It was the friendships, the bonds with those I thought were close to me, that would suddenly end. One minute, everything was cool, and the next, it wasn't. 

It wasn’t until recently that I started to piece it all together. Looking back, I can see the resentment building long before the end. There were always signs—those micro-expressions, those little flashes of something in their eyes when I shared good news. They weren’t truly happy for me. Jealousy would flicker across their faces when things went well for me, and it was only now that I realized it was because I was a mirror for them. I was showing them what they weren’t doing, what they were capable of but chose not to pursue.

I had friends who were always complaining about their health, and as I started to heal myself, they couldn’t stand it. If I offered advice, they would brush it off, preferring to stay in their cycle of complaining rather than taking action. And then, they would disappear.

There’s something about how brightly I shine that eventually sours my relationships. At first, people love the idea of being friends with someone who seems to have it all—at face value I have an Instagram-perfect life. My life checks all the boxes of what most people want, I am walking in the life that everyone watched me ask for on my vision board all those years ago. But as time goes on, they see the energy it takes to maintain this life. They see how I’m always on the go, always brainstorming, always trying to figure out life, and it exhausts them. They can’t match it, and that frustrates them. It’s not me they’re frustrated with; it’s themselves. I become a mirror for what they aren’t doing in their own lives.

It’s easy for people to look at successful individuals and think, “They have it all; it must be easy for them.” But when they get close, they see the truth—how much work it takes to be successful. And that scares them. It forces them to confront the reality that the only reason they aren’t where they want to be is that they aren’t trying to be. They aren’t taking action. Seeing someone in action terrifies them because it reflects what they’re not willing to do.

One of the simplest yet most profound tests to see if someone is truly for you is to share your good news and watch how they react. Their response will tell you everything you need to know about their true nature and their feelings toward you. A genuine friend, a true partner, will share in your happiness. They will be supportive, encouraging, and genuinely eager to see you thrive and grow, both personally and professionally.

But not everyone will react this way. Some will respond to your good news with envy, negativity, or worse, indifference. These reactions are red flags, indicating that their intentions may not be as genuine as they seem.

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